Erm, OK, tHat's done. Erm...
WHy don't you come upstairs in about ten seconds?
- Ten seconds. - Ten seconds.
(¶ Eva Cassidy: Songbird)
¶ For you
¶ THere'll be no crying
¶ For you
¶ THe sun will be sHining
¶ Cos I feel tHat wHen I'm witH you
¶ It's all rigHt... ¶
- Just tug it. - OK.
¶ I know it's rigHt
¶ And tHe songbirds
¶ Keep singing like tHey know tHe score
¶ And I love you, I love you, I love you... ¶
You're beautiful.
¶ Like never before... ¶
(Mobile)
I-I'd better answer tHat.
Hello. Hi. Hello, darling.
No, no, I'm not busy. No, fire away.
RigHt.
Yes, l... I'm not quite sure it's gonna be possible
to get tHe Pope on tHe pHone tonigHt but...
Yes. Yes, I'm sure He's very good at exorcism but...
Well, I'm sure...
Jon Bon Jovi is as well and I'll definitely look into it.
OK? OK, I'll talk to you later.
All rigHt, bye-bye.
- Sorry about tHat. - No, it's fine.
It's my brotHer, He's not well, He calls a lot.
- I'm sorry. - No, it's fine. It's fine.
I mean, it's not really fine, it is wHat it is,
and tHere being no parents now and us being over Here,
it's my job to keep an eye on Him. Not my job, obviously, I'm glad to do it...
THat's OK. Life is full of interruptions and complications.
So...
(Mobile)
Will it make Him better?
No.
THen maybe...
don't answer.
Hey. How you doing?
RigHt, rigHt. OH, no, please.
OH, please, please don't, little darling.
Between tHe two of us we'll find tHe answer and it won't Hurt any more.
No, no.
I'm-I'm not busy. I...
Of course, if you want me to come over I will. Mm-Hm.
OK.
THat was a good nigHt.
- Except I felt fat. - Don't be ridiculous.
It's true.
Nowadays tHe only clotHes I can get into were once owned by Pavarotti.
I always tHink Pavarotti dresses very well.
Mia's very pretty.
Is sHe?
You know sHe is, darling.
Be careful tHere.
Have you been watcHing stuff on TV?
YeaH.
- Every nigHt. - Good.
And every day.
- THe nurses are trying to kill me. - Nobody's trying to kill you, babe.
THank you.
Don't do tHat, my darling.
THank you.
Don't do tHat.
(Dog barking in distance)
RigHt. Back at tHree. CHristmas sHopping, never easy or pleasant.
Are you gonna get me sometHing?
Er...
I don't know, I Hadn't tHougHt.
WHere's SaraH, by tHe way?
SHe couldn't make it in. Family tHing.
THere's a word for Hangover I've never Heard before.
- See you later. - Yes. Looking forward to it.
A lot.
Are you gonna give me sometHing?
I tHougHt I made it clear last nigHt.
WHen it comes to me, you can Have everytHing.
So, erm, wHat do you need?
SometHing along tHe stationery line? Are you sHort of staplers?
No. I don't want sometHing I need.
I want sometHing I want. SometHing pretty.
RigHt.
Sorry I'm late, I Had to drop off Bernie at reHearsal.
RigHt, listen, you keep yourself occupied
wHile I do tHe boring stuff for our motHers.
- THank you. - THank you.
Looking for anytHing in particular, sir?
Yes. THat necklace tHere, How mucH is it?
It's $270.
- Erm, all rigHt. Er, I'll Have it. - Lovely.
Would you like it...giftwrapped?
- Yes, all rigHt. - Lovely.
Let me just pop it in tHe box.
THere.
- Look, could we be quite quick? - Certainly, sir.
Ready in tHe flasHiest of flasHes.
- THere. - THat's great.
Not quite finisHed.
- I don't need a bag, I'll put it in my pocket. - OH, tHis isn't a bag, sir.
- Really? - THis is so mucH more tHan a bag.
OoH!
Could we be quite quick, please?
Prontissimo.
- WHat's tHat? - A cinnamon stick, sir.
- Actually, I really can't wait. - You won't regret it, sir.
Want to bet?
'Tis but tHe work of a moment.
THere we go. Almost finisHed.
Are you gonna dip it in yogurt? Cover it witH cHocolate buttons?
No, sir, we're going to pop it in tHe CHristmas box.
I don't want a CHristmas box.
- But you wanted it giftwrapped. - I did but...
- THe final flourisH. - Can I pay?
- All we need now... - OH, God.
-..is a sprig of Holly. - No, no, no, no.
- No bloody Holly. - But sir...
- Leave it. - OoH!
- Loitering around tHe jewellery section? - No. I was just looking around.
Don't worry. My expectations are not tHat HigH
after 1 3 years of Mr OH-But-You-Always-Love-Scarves.
Actually, I do love tHis one.
(¶ Darlene Love: All Alone On CHristmas)
¶ I've gotta know
¶ WHere do tHe lonely Hearts go... ¶
- Hey! - WHat are you doing Here?
Had to rent out my flat to pay for my ticket.
You're not actually going aHead witH tHis stupid plan?
I bloody am.
You tHink tHis is full of clotHes? Like Hell it is.
It is cHock-a-block full of condoms.
Excellent. Excellent. Perfect, keep tHat going.
(Clears tHroat) Look, erm...
sorry to be a bit forward and all tHat but...
you don't fancy going for a CHristmas drink, do you? I mean, notHing implied.
Just maybe go and see sometHing CHristmassy or sometHing.
Obviously, if you don't want to, you don't Have to. I...
I'm rambling now, sorry.
No. THat would be lovely.
OH, great.
Yay!
You know, tHat is really great.
Normally, I'm really sHy, takes me ages to get tHe courage up, so tHank you.
(Repetitive drumbeats)
- Explain again wHy you're so late. - Can't a man Have any secrets?
We've been waiting for Hours, it's tHe first ever preview.
¶..is a tHing of tHe past
¶ Maybe you can bring us all Hope tHis year
¶ Visions of sugarplums Have disappeared... ¶
(Karen) It was a starry nigHt in ancient Jerusalem
and tHe baby Jesus was in His manger.
SHerlock Holmes is not a real detective.
(Russian) Is tHis tHe way to tHe train station?
I would like Half-pint of cHurly.
I would like a one-day Travelcard.
(Portuguese) OH, my God, I've got a terrible stomacHacHe.
It must Have been tHe prawns.
Milton Keynes Has many roundabouts.
(Portuguese) My goodness, tHis is a very big fisH!
It tastes delicious!
¶ All alone on CHristmas
¶ Nobody ougHt to be alone on CHristmas
¶ All alone on CHristmas ¶ Nobody ougHt to be alone on CHristmas
¶ Tell me I've got to know
¶ Nobody ougHt to be alone on CHristmas ¶ Don't leave me alone ¶
- You'll come back a broken man. - YeaH, back broken from too mucH sex.
You are on tHe road to disaster.
No, I am on sHag HigHway, Heading west.
Farewell, failure.
America, watcH out! Here comes Colin Frissell.
¶ And He's got a big knob ¶
(¶ Santana Featuring Rob THomas: SmootH)
- Take me to a bar. - WHat kind of bar?
Just any bar. Just your average American bar.
(On jukebox) ¶ Man, it's a Hot one
¶ Like seven incHes from tHe midday sun... ¶
- Can I Help you? - Yes. I'd like a Budweiser, please.
- King of beers. - Bud coming up.
OH, my God.
Are you from England?
- Yes. - OH...
tHat is so cute.
Hi, I'm Stacey. (Giggles)
Jeannie?
YeaH?
- THis is... - Colin.
Frissell.
Cute name.
- Jeannie. - He's from England.
Yep. Basildon.
- OH. - OH.
Wait till Carol-Anne gets Here. SHe's crazy about EnglisH guys.
(Stacey) UH-HuH.
- Hey, girls. - Carol-Anne, come meet Colin.
He's from England.
Well, step aside, ladies. THis one's on me.
- Hey, gorgeous. - (Gentle growl)
THat is so funny!
- WHat do you call tHat? - Er, bottle.
(WitH EnglisH accent) "Bottle."
- WHat about tHis? - Er, straw.
(Girls) "Straw."
- WHat about tHis? - Table.
- Table. THe same. - OH, it's tHe same.
- WHere are you staying? - I don't actually know.
I'll just cHeck into a motel like in tHe movies.
OH, my God. OH, my God, tHat is so cute.
No, no, no, listen. THis may be a bit pusHy cos we just met you but...
wHy don't you come back and sleep at our place?
- YeaH. - YeaH.
Well, if it's not too mucH of an inconvenience.
- Hell no! - But tHere's one problem.
WHat?
Well, we're not tHe ricHest of girls, you know.
So we just Have a little bed and no coucH.
So you'd Have to sHare witH all tHree of us.
And on tHis cold, cold nigHt it's gonna be crowded and sweaty and stuff.
And we can't even afford pyjamas.
No?
WHicH means...
we would be naked.
No, no, I tHink it'd be fine.
- (Girls) Great. - Erm...
THe tHing tHat's gonna make it more crowded...
Harriet. You Haven't met Harriet.
- THere's a fourtH? - YeaH.
Don't worry, you're totally gonna like Her cos sHe is "tHe sexy one".
- Really? Wow. - YeaH.
- Praise tHe Lord! - OH, and He's a CHristian.
(All) CHeers.
¶ If I could
¶ THen I would
¶ I'll go wHerever you will go
¶ Way up HigH
¶ Or down low
¶ I'll go wHerever you will go
¶ If I could turn back... ¶
One present only eacH tonigHt. WHo's got one for Dad?
- I Have. - Let Mummy go first.
- I'll get it. - No, no, no. I want to cHoose mine.
I tHink I want...
-..tHis one. - I Have bougHt tHe traditional scarf as well
but tHis is my otHer, sligHtly special, personal one.
THank you.
THat's a real first.
- Rip it! - WHat is it?
I'm going to... All rigHt, I'll rip it.
God, tHat's a surprise.
(Daisy) WHat is it?
It's a CD. Joni MitcHell, wow.
To continue your emotional education.
Yes.
Goodness.
THat's great.
- My brilliant wife. - AH, yes.
Actually, do you mind if I just absent myself for a second?
All tHat ice cream. Er...
Darling, could you make sure tHe kids are ready to go?
- Back in a minute. - (Harry to kids) All rigHt, take it easy.
(Bernie) Mine first. Mine.
(¶ Joni MitcHell: BotH Sides Now) ¶ Moons and Junes
¶ And Ferris wHeels
¶ THe dizzy dancing way tHat you feel
¶ As every fairy tale comes real
¶ I've looked at love tHat way
¶ But now it's just anotHer sHow
¶ And you leave 'em laugHing wHen you go
¶ And if you care
¶ Don't let tHem know
¶ Don't give yourself away
¶ I've looked at love
¶ From botH sides now
¶ From give and take
¶ And still someHow
¶ It's love's illusions tHat I recall
¶ I really don't know love
¶ I really don't know love at all
¶ Tears and fears
¶ And feeling proud
¶ To say I love you rigHt out loud
¶ Dreams and scHemes
¶ And circus crowds
¶ I've looked at life tHat way
¶ OH but now old friends... ¶
OH, my God.
It's a miracle. You're all dressed.
Come on, come on, come on, we're Horribly late.
Come on, tHen. In tHe car. In tHe car.
¶ Well sometHing's lost
¶ But sometHing's gained
¶ In living every day ¶
- Has sHe noticed you yet? - No.
But tHe tHing about romance is people only get togetHer rigHt at tHe very end.
Of course.
By tHe way, I feel bad. I never ask you How your love life is going.
Er-HuH!
No.
As you know, tHat was a done deal long ago.
Unless Claudia ScHiffer calls, in wHicH case I want you out of Here straigHtaway,
- you wee motHerless mongrel. - OH!
No, no. We'll want to Have sex in every room, including yours.
(Male DJ) 'It's a rainy CHristmas Eve all over tHe UK
'and tHe question is wHo is number one on tHe Radio One cHart sHow tonigHt?
'ls it Blue or tHe unexpected CHristmas sensation from Billy Mack?
'You migHt Have guessed it altHougH you may not believe it.
'It's Billy Mack.'
- You are tHe cHampion! - (Crowd) SHH.
- 'Hi, Billy.' - Hello.
'We're live across tHe nation and you're number one.
- 'How will you be celebrating?' - I don't know.
Er, eitHer I could beHave like a real rock'n'roll loser
and get drunk witH my fat manager...
or, wHen I Hang up,
I'll be flooded by invitations to a large number of glamorous parties.
'Let's Hope it's tHe latter. Here it is. Number one, from Billy Mack,
- 'it's CHristmas Is All Around.' - OH, Jesus, not tHat crap again.
¶ I feel it in my fingers... ¶
Bill, it's for you, babe.
Hello. Elton.
O-Of course. Of course.
Send an embarrassingly big car and I'll be tHere.
(Crowd laugHing)
It's gonna be a very good CHristmas.
(CHeering)
- RigHt. - I'd better be getting inside, actually.
- My mum and...you know. - Of course, yeaH. It's getting a bit cold.
Erm...
- Well, good nigHt. - NigHt.
Er...
Er... OK.
All I want for CHristmas...
- is you. - (LaugHs nervously)
RigHt.
THank you. Good.
Good nigHt.
Ha Ha Ha! Ho.
(¶ Otis Redding: WHite CHristmas) ¶ I'm, I'm dreaming
¶ Dreaming of a wHite... ¶
OH, look, everyone, it's Uncle Jamie.
Hi, Uncle Jamie!
Yes, oH, splendid. It's lovely to see you all.
And, er...
I'm off, actually.
But Jamie, darling.
Sorry.
Man's gotta do wHat a man's gotta do.
I Hate Uncle Jamie!
(Girl) I Hate Uncle Jamie. (Boy) I Hate Uncle Jamie.
¶ And try to listen
¶ To Hear
¶ Hear for tHe sleigH bells
¶ THat are ringing in tHe snow... ¶
Gatwick airport, please. Fast as you can.
(¶ Song continues on radio, quietly)
¶ l-l-l
¶ I'm dreaming
¶ Of a wHite... ¶
- NigHt, SaraH. - NigHt, Karl.
I, er...
- Merry CHristmas. - Merry CHristmas.
¶ I want you to know, may your day
¶ May your day
¶ Be so merry, merry and brigHt... ¶
Hi, babe, How's it going? YeaH.
Is it all party, party, party down tHere?
¶ All of your CHristmases
¶ And may all
¶ And may all of your CHristmases
¶ Baby may your days
¶ May your days be merry
¶ Merry, so merry... ¶
- Sam, time for dinner. - I'm not Hungry.
Sam, I've done cHicken kebabs.
(Sam) Look at tHe sign on tHe door.
(Drumming)
RigHt.
It's a little long.
¶ Dreaming, dreaming of a wHite, wHite CHristmas... ¶
(Doorbell)
I'll get it.
- OH, Hi. - (Peter) WHo is it?
It's carol singers.
Give tHem a quid and tell tHem to bugger off.
(Turns volume up)
¶ Silent nigHt
¶ Holy nigHt
¶ All is calm
¶ All is brigHt
¶ Round yon virgin
¶ MotHer and cHild
¶ Holy infant
¶ So tender and mild
¶ Sleep in Heavenly peace
¶ Silent nigHt
¶ Holy nigHt
¶ SHepHerds quake
¶ At tHe sigHt... ¶
(WHispers) Merry CHristmas.
¶ Glories stream
¶ From Heaven afar
¶ Heavenly Hosts sing alleluia
¶ CHrist tHe saviour is born
¶ CHrist tHe saviour is born ¶
EnougH.
EnougH now.
(Sound turned down)
(Doorbell)
WHat tHe Hell are you doing Here? You're supposed to be at Elton JoHn's.
Well, I was tHere for a minute or two and tHen I Had an epipHany.
- Really? - YeaH.
Come on. Just come up.
So wHat was tHis epipHany?
Erm, it...it was about CHristmas.
You realised it was all around.
No. I realised tHat CHristmas is tHe time to be witH tHe people you love.
RigHt.
And I realised tHat, as dire cHance and fateful cockup would Have it,
Here I am,
mid-fifties,
and witHout knowing it, I've spent most of my adult life
witH a cHubby employee. (Snorts)
And, mucH as it grieves me to say it,
it migHt be tHat tHe people I love is, in fact...
you.
Well, tHis is a surprise.
YeaH.
Ten minutes at Elton JoHn's and you're gay?
No, look. I'm serious Here.
I left Elton's and a Hefty number of Half-naked cHicks witH tHeir moutHs open
in order to Hang out witH you at CHristmas.
- Well, Bill... - It's a terrible, terrible mistake, cHubs...
but you turn out to be tHe fucking love of my life.
And to be Honest, despite all my complaining...
we Have Had a wonderful life.
Well...
tHank you.
I mean, come on, it's been an Honour.
I feel very proud.
OH, look, don't be a moron.
(Clears tHroat)
Come on, let's get pissed and watcH porn.
(Natalie) 'Dear sir, Dear David,
'Merry CHristmas and I Hope you Have a very Happy New Year.
'I'm very sorry about tHe tHing tHat Happened.
'lt was a very odd moment and I feel like a prize idiot.
'Particularly because -
'if you can't say it at CHristmas, wHen can you, eH? -
'I'm actually yours. WitH love, your Natalie.'
Jack, yeaH, I need a car.
RigHt now. THank you.
(¶ Pointer Sisters: Jump)
OH, don't wait up.
I'd like to go to WandswortH, tHe dodgy end.
Very good, sir.
¶ Tell me How you want me
¶ I can feel it in your Heart beat
¶ I know you like wHat you see... ¶
(Terry) Harris Street. WHat number, sir?
(David) OH, God, it's tHe longest street in tHe world and I Have absolutely no idea.
¶ Wrap your love around me
¶ You're so excited I can feel you getting Hotter ¶
(Doorbell)
Hello, does Natalie live Here?
- No. - RigHt, fine, tHank you. Sorry to disturb.
Here, aren't...
Aren't you tHe Prime Minister?
- Er, yes. In fact, I am. Merry CHristmas. - OH.
Part of tHe service now. Trying to get round everyone by New Year's Eve.
(Doorbell)
AH. Hello. Does Natalie live Here?
- No, sHe doesn't. - OH dear. OK.
- Are you singing carols? - Er, no. No, I'm not.
- Please, sir, please. - Please.
Well, I suppose I could.
Please.
- All rigHt. - (Girls cHeer)
¶ Good King Wenceslas looked out
¶ On tHe feast of StepHen
(Joins in witH ricH, deep voice) ¶ WHen tHe snow lay round about
¶ Deep and crisp and even
¶ BrigHtly sHone tHe moon tHat nigHt ¶
- (Doorbell) - Hello. Sorry to disturb.
- Does Natalie live Here? - No.
SHe lives next door.
AH. Brilliant.
You're not wHo I tHink you are, are you?
Yes and I'm sorry about all tHe cockups.
My cabinet are absolute crap. We Hope to do better next year.
Merry CHristmas to you.
(Doorbell)
- (CHatting stops suddenly) - AH. Hello.
Is, er, Natalie in?
OH, wHere tHe fuck is my fucking coat?
- OH. Hello. - Hello.
Erm, tHis is my mum and my dad and my Uncle Tony and my Auntie Glynne.
- Hello. - Very nice to meet you.
And, erm...tHis is tHe Prime Minister.
Yes, we can see tHat, darling.
And erm, unfortunately, we're very late.
It's tHe scHool CHristmas concert, you see, David.
All tHe local scHools Have joined togetHer, even St Basil's...
- Too mucH detail, Mum. - Anyway, How can we Help, sir?
Well, l...just needed Natalie...
on some state business.
- OH. - RigHt, yes. Of course.
RigHt, er...
Well, perHaps you sHould come on later, Plumpy.
Er, Natalie.
I don't want to make you late for tHe concert.
- No, it's notHing, really. - KeitH'll be very disappointed.
- No, really, it doesn't matter. - THe octopus costume's taken me montHs.
EigHt is a lot of legs, David.
Mm. Erm...
Listen, wHy don't I give you a lift
and tHen we can talk about tHis state business business in tHe car.
OK.
- Lovely, yes. - THank you.
Hold tigHt, everybody.
- How far is tHis place? - Just round tHe corner.
AH, rigHt. Well, er...
I just wanted to say...
tHank you for tHe CHristmas card.
You're welcome.
Look, I'm so sorry about tHat day.
I came in and He slinked towards me and tHere was a fire
and He's tHe President of tHe United States and notHing Happened, I promise.
I just felt like sucH a fool because...
I tHink about you all tHe time, actually.
- And I tHink you're tHe man tHat I really... - We're Here.
-..Iove. - OH, wow.
THat really was just round tHe corner. Er...
Erm...
Ow!
(SigHs)
Well, look, l...
I tHink I'd better not come in, you know?
Nobody wants some politician stealing tHe kids' tHunder.
No, please come. It'll be great.
No, l'd...I'd better not.
But I will be very sorry
to drive away from you.
Just give me one second.
JoHn's been very mysterious. WHere did you two meet?
- Erm...erm... - Um...um...
No!
Come on in. We can watcH from backstage.
OK. Terry, I won't be long.
Look, tHis Has to be a very secret visit, OK?
Don't worry. THis was my scHool. I know my way around. Come on.
Look, tHe sHeep are ready already and you're not even...
- OH, David. - AH!
OH, How are you?
Hi, guys. Hey, Hey, Hey. You all rigHt?
WHat tHe Hell are you doing Here?
- Well, you know... - We always tell your secretary
tHat tHese tHings are going on but it never occurred to me you'd actually turn up.
I tHougHt it was time I did.
I didn't want anyone to see, so I'm gonna Hide somewHere.
Good luck, Daisy, good luck, Bernie.
I've never been gladder to see my stupid big brotHer.
- THank you. - All rigHt.
OH, now. We Haven't been introduced.
RigHt. Well, tHis is Gavin.
- Hello, Gavin. - My copper.
And tHis is Natalie, wHo's my, erm...
- wHo's my, erm, catering manager. - OH.
- Hi. - Catering manager.
WatcH He keeps His Hands off you.
20 years ago, you'd Have been His type.
I'll be very careful. Don't try sometHing, sir, just because it's CHristmas.
- No, seriously. - (Bell)
Come on. SHowtime. quickly.
- Look, see you after, yeaH? - Probably.
- THank you, Prime Minister. - It's all rigHt.
- Come on. - RigHt.
¶ CatcH a falling star and put it in your pocket
¶ Save it for a rainy day
¶ CatcH a falling star And put it in your pocket
¶ Never let it fade away
¶ Never let it fade away ¶
(CHeering, applause)
Hillier ScHool would now like to present tHeir CHristmas number.
Lead vocals by ten-year-old Joanna Anderson,
backing vocals coordinated by Her motHer,
tHe great Mrs Jean Anderson.
Erm, some of tHe staff Have decided to Help out
and for tHis, we ask you to forgive us.
THank you.
(Applause)
(A capella) ¶ I don't want a lot for CHristmas
¶ THere's just one tHing I need
¶ I don't care about tHe presents
¶ UnderneatH tHe CHristmas tree
¶ I just want you for my own
¶ More tHan you could ever know
¶ Make my wisH come true
¶ All I want for CHristmas
¶ Is you
¶ I don't want a lot for CHristmas
¶ THere's just one tHing I need
¶ I don't care about tHe presents
¶ UnderneatH tHe CHristmas tree
¶ I just want you for my own
¶ More tHan you could ever know
¶ Make my wisH come true
¶ All I want for CHristmas is you
¶ You baby
¶ OH, all tHe ligHts are sHining
¶ So brigHtly everywHere
¶ And tHe sound of cHildren's laugHter fills tHe air
¶ LaugHter fills tHe air
¶ Everyone is singing ¶ OH yeaH
¶ I Hear tHose sleigH bells ringing
¶ Santa won't you bring me my Honey
¶ Won't you please bring my baby to me
¶ I don't want a lot for CHristmas
¶ THis is all I'm asking for ¶ All I'm asking for
¶ I just wanna see my baby
¶ Standing rigHt outside my door
¶ Cos I just want you for my own
¶ More tHan you could ever know ¶ You will ever know
¶ Make my wisH come true
¶ All I want for CHristmas
¶ Is you
¶ All I want for CHristmas
¶ And you and you
¶ All I want for CHristmas
¶ All I want for CHristmas ¶
(CHeering, wHistling)
RigHt.
So, not quite as secret as we'd Hoped.
- WHat do we do now? - Smile.
Little bow.
And a wave.
Absolutely no idea. I mean, can you imagine?
I'll see you later, all rigHt?
I'll speak to you. Bye.
Tell me, if you were in my position, wHat would you do?
WHat position is tHat?
Imagine your Husband bougHt a gold necklace
and, come CHristmas, gave it to somebody else.
- OH, Karen... - Would you wait around to find out...
- Good nigHt. - NigHt, darling. Happy CHristmas.
Would you wait around to find out if it's just a necklace
or if it's sex and a necklace
or if, worst of all, it's a necklace and love?
Would you stay? Knowing life would always be a little bit worse?
- Or would you cut and run? - OH, God.
I am so in tHe wrong.
A classic fool.
Yes, but you've also made a fool out of me.
You've made tHe life I lead foolisH, too.
Darling. OoH, darlings!
OH, you were wonderful.
My little lobster, you were so...
WHat is tHat word?
Orange.
Come on, I've got treats at Home. Dad's coming.
Sammy! Fantastic sHow! Classic drumming, son.
- THanks. Plan didn't work, tHougH. - Tell Her, tHen.
- Tell Her wHat? - THat you love Her.
No way. Anyway, tHey fly tonigHt.
Even better. Sam, you've got notHing to lose and you'll always regret it if you don't.
I never told your mum enougH.
I sHould Have told Her every day because sHe was perfect every day.
You've seen tHe films, kiddo. It ain't over till it's over.
OK, Dad. Let's do it. Let's go get tHe sHit kicked out of us by love.
Yes.
- Just give me one sec. - YeaH.
- OH, I'm sorry. - Sorry.
THat's OK.
- My fault. - No, no, really, it wasn't.
You're Sam's dad, aren't you?
YeaH. Stepdad, actually.
- Daniel. - I'm Carol.
Carol.
- OK, I'm back. Let's go. - YeaH. Well...
I Hope we'll meet again, Karen.
Carol. (LaugHs)
- I'll make sure we do. - YeaH? Good.
(Carol laugHs)
- Tell Her. - WHat?
- You know... - Don't be sucH an arse.
- Look, tHere sHe is. - WHere?
Over tHere.
OH, no.
It's OK, we'll go to tHe airport. I know a sHort cut.
(Portuguese) Good evening.
- SenHor Barros? - Sim.
I am Here to ask your daugHter
for Her Hands in marriage.
You want to marry my daugHter?
Yes.
Come Here,
tHere is a man at tHe door.
He wants to marry you.
But I've never seen Him before.
WHo cares?
You're going to sell me to a complete stranger?
Sell? WHo said sell? I'll pay Him.
Pardon me. I'm meaning your otHer daugHter - Aurelia.
SHe's not Here - sHe's at work. I'll take you.
You! Stay Here.
As if I would. Stupid!
FatHer is about to sell Aurelia as a slave to tHis EnglisHman.
Wait. Wait.
OH, no.
You better not say yes, FatHer.
SHut up, Miss Dunkin' Donut 2003.
- Look, we're not actually flying. - You can't come tHrougH.
Not even to let tHe boy say goodbye to tHe love of His life?
No.
- I'm sorry, Sam. - Boarding pass, sir?
Just a moment, I know I've got it. Would you Hang on to tHat?
- Unless... - WHat?
- Do you want to make a run for it? - Hold on to tHat.
- You tHink I sHould? - YeaH.
- OK. - Yes!
I must Have left tHem wHere I was Having a cup of coffee.
(Beeping)
(lnaudible tHrougH glass)
(CHattering excitedly)
Apparently He is going to kill Aurelia.
Cool!
Joanna.
Sam?
- I tHougHt you didn't know my name. - Course I do.
OH, Jesus. Here, I've gotta run.
- (Portuguese) WHere is Aurelia? - WHy sHould I tell you?
THis man wants to marry Her.
He can't do tHat - sHe's our best waitress.
Boa noite, Aurelia.
Boa noite, Jamie.
Beautiful Aurelia...
I've come Here witH a view to asking you...
to marriage me.
I know I seems an insane person because I Hardly knows you
but sometimes tHings are so transparency,
tHey don't need evidential proof.
And I will inHabit Here, or you can inHabit witH me in England.
Definitely go for England, girl.
You'll meet Prince William - tHen you can marry Him instead.
Of course I don't expecting you to be as foolisH as me,
and of course I prediction you say no....
but it's CHristmas and I just wanted to...cHeck.
OH, God - say yes, you skinny moron.
(EnglisH) THank you.
THat will be nice.
Yes is being my answer.
Easy question.
(Portuguese) WHat did you say?
Yes, of course.
(CHeering)
Bravo!
(EnglisH) You learned EnglisH?
Just in cases.
(¶ BeacH Boys: God Only Knows)
¶ I may not always love you
¶ But long as tHere are stars above you... ¶
Hello, Daisy.
- THis one's Greta. - Hello, Greta.
¶ I'll make you so sure about it... ¶
Here sHe is. THis is Aurelia. THis is Juliet. THis is Peter.
- Mark, didn't see you tHere. - Just tHougHt I'd tag along.
Jamie's friends are so good-looking.
He never tells me tHis.
I tHink maybe now I Have made tHe wrong cHoice,
picked wrong EnglisHman.
SHe can't speak EnglisH properly.
(Daisy) Dad! Dad!
OH, God.
- Did you get us any presents? - Matter of fact, I did.
(Bernie) THanks, Dad.
- How are you? - I'm fine. I'm fine.
Good to Have you back.
Come on. Home.
THere sHe is.
- Hi. - Hello.
- Aw, He sHould Have kissed Her. - No, tHat's cool.
- All rigHt? - Hey. WHat are you two doing Here?
- I migHt get a sHag at last. - NaugHty.
- Got to go. - Bye.
YaHoo!
Now, tHis is Harriet.
- Hi. Really pleased to meet you. - Hello, Harriet.
I Hope you don't mind, I sort of brougHt my sister to stay.
THis is Carla. SHe's real friendly.
Hello, you must be Tony.
I Heard you were gorgeous.
¶ God only knows wHat I'd be witHout you... ¶
(Press sHouting)
¶ God only knows wHat I'd be witHout you
¶ God only knows wHat I'd be witHout you... ¶
- God, you weigH a lot. - OH, sHut your face.
¶ God only knows wHat I'd be witHout you ¶ God only knows
¶ God only knows wHat I'd be witHout you
¶ God only knows
¶ God only knows wHat I'd be witHout you
¶ God only knows
¶ God only knows wHat I'd be witHout you
¶ God only knows
¶ God only knows wHat I'd be witHout you
¶ God only knows
¶ God only knows wHat I'd be witHout you
¶ God only knows
¶ God only knows wHat I'd be witHout you
¶ God only knows
¶ God only knows wHat I'd be witHout you
¶ God only knows
¶ God only knows wHat I'd be witHout you ¶
(¶ Kelly Clarkson: THe Trouble WitH Love ls)
¶ Love can be a many splendored tHing
¶ Can't deny tHe joy it brings
¶ A dozen roses, diamond rings
¶ Dreams for sale and fairy tales
¶ lt'll make you Hear a sympHony
¶ And you just want tHe world to see
¶ But like a drug tHat makes you blind
¶ lt'll fool ya every time
¶ THe trouble witH love is
¶ It can tear you up inside
¶ Make your Heart believe a lie
¶ It's stronger tHan your pride
¶ THe trouble witH love is
¶ It doesn't care How fast you fall
¶ And you can't refuse tHe call
¶ See you got no say at all
¶ Now I was once a fool, it's true
¶ I played tHe game by all tHe rules
¶ But now my world's a deeper blue
¶ I'm sadder but I'm wiser too
¶ I swore I'd never love again
¶ I swore my Heart would never mend
¶ Said love wasn't wortH tHe pain
¶ But tHen I Hear it call my name
¶ THe trouble witH love is
¶ It can tear you up inside
¶ Make your Heart believe a lie
¶ It's stronger tHan your pride
¶ THe trouble witH love is
¶ It doesn't care How fast you fall
¶ And you can't refuse tHe call
¶ See you got no say at all
¶ Every time I turn around
¶ I tHink I've got it all figured out
¶ My Heart keeps calling And I keep on falling
¶ Over and over again
¶ THe sad story always ends tHe same
¶ Me standing in tHe pouring rain
¶ It seems no matter wHat I do
¶ It tears my Heart in two
¶ THe trouble witH love is ¶ THe trouble witH love
¶ It can tear you up inside ¶ It can tear you up inside
¶ Make your Heart believe a lie ¶ Make your Heart believe a lie
¶ It's stronger tHan your pride
¶ THe trouble witH love is ¶ It's in your Heart, it's in your soul
¶ It doesn't care How fast you fall ¶ You're losing tHat control
¶ And you can't refuse tHe call
¶ See you got no say at all
¶ THe trouble witH love is ¶ OoH, yeaH
¶ It can tear you up inside ¶ OoH ¶
(¶ Girls Aloud: Jump)
¶ Your eyes tell me How you want me
¶ I can feel it in your Heartbeat
¶ You're so excited I can feel you getting Hotter
¶ OH baby
¶ I'll take you down, I'll take you down
¶ WHere no one's ever gone before
¶ And if you want more
¶ If you want more, more, more
¶ THen jump for my love
¶ Jump in
¶ And feel my toucH
¶ Jump ¶ If you want to taste my kisses in tHe nigHt
¶ THen jump for my love
¶ I know my Heart ¶ I know my Heart can make you Happy
¶ Jump in ¶ You know tHese arms can fill you up
¶ Jump ¶ If you want to taste my kisses in tHe nigHt
¶ THen jump for my love ¶